You ever worry about how to make people like you? The boss at your work, your classmates in school, that person you like? When I was younger I used to focus on trying to impress people a lot.
But I figured out as I got older that more often than not, if you just enjoy yourself, others will tend to enjoy you too. Here are a few things you can do to make people like you.
- Laugh at yourself
- Be passionate about the things you like
- Try to always enjoy your time
- Ask questions you actually want to know the answer to
- Don’t try to always say the funniest or most interesting thing
- Learn and experience the world
- Be less of a burden
- Send funny or interesting stories and videos from time to time
- Give information they might find useful
- Be courteous
- Stay respectful when you disagree
- Rarely ask for favors
- Offer people food
- Don’t be a fake
- Be relaxed
- Remember what people tell you
- Be dependable
- Take care of yourself
1. Laugh At Yourself
The people that enjoy themselves the most tend to be able to laugh at themselves and their life the most. I didn’t quite start learning this lesson until I was in high school.
One time a friend in high school made a joke about me at lunch.
It was so funny that I laughed. He said afterwards, “You’re cool Eric. I like that you know how to laugh about yourself.”
The rest of my time in high school and life in general, I was able to just smile and laugh whenever people joked with me. And oddly enough, despite the fact that I didn’t really talk much, everybody ended up being cool with me for the most part.
The people who are liked most know how to poke fun at situations they’ve been in, any mistake they make, or just about who they are as a person in general.
And doesn’t it seem like those people you come across who can laugh about themselves tend to be the most likable?
2. Be Passionate About The Things You Like
People may not always be interested in the topics you’re into, but they can get interested just by your passion for it. I’ve spoken to many people who are big movie lovers.
I’m not really into them myself, but whenever I’ve talked to someone who was, I always got more interested in talking about movies.
The same thing is true whenever I’ve shared my passion for music or my passion for religious text. Some of the people I spoke with weren’t really into religion.
But by the time I shared all of my passion and interest about it, they got more curious to know more.
So by showing your joy for your passion, you’re enjoying yourself, and by people being more interested in you because of your passion, they’re enjoying you too. It makes people want to talk to you more.
Passion doesn’t mean you have to convey this loud excitement about something, it’s just showing how much you like what you’re into.
And by the way, it works the other way around too. Let other people share with you what they’re really passionate about, and also choose to engage with them about it.
It’ll make them happy to be able to share all their thoughts and feelings about something with someone who’s actually listening.
3. Try To Always Enjoy Your Time
I believe you can enjoy your time doing almost anything. And when people see you know how to enjoy time in almost any situation, they tend to enjoy you because you know how to enjoy life.
You might be thinking right now, “What does it mean to always enjoy my time”? It’s as simple as doing one of two things that have worked for me in my life, and could work for you.
A. Pointing out whatever you find interesting about the situation you’re in.
It doesn’t have to be profound or life changing, it can just be any random thing that catches your attention. Maybe you’re watching a movie with someone and something stands out to you.
You could either make the other person notice that thing and they find it interesting, or the other person could end up saying to you, “Yeah, I noticed that too!”, and it creates a small instant connection.
Because usually everybody feels good when someone else notices the same thing as they did.
B. Finding a way to have fun with whatever you’re doing.
There are people in life you don’t have to do anything specific with them, you just have a good time doing whatever. You can be one of those people too.
Cracking jokes about the situation you’re in, being silly, or just making good conversation to pass the time even in the most boring situations.
I’ve had fun with people picking up trash in a stadium, sitting in a class waiting for it to end, or just doing nothing.
4. Ask Questions You Actually Want To Know The Answer To
This is an easy way to help you make good conversation with someone, which helps people like you. Growing up, I was one of those people who had no idea what to say to people.
For example, when I’d be on the phone with girls, a majority of the hours I would have no idea what questions to ask.
But over time I learned to ask questions that I was genuinely curious about. I personally don’t like when people ask questions for the sake of asking questions. It makes the conversation feel forced and unnatural.
Everybody has something they’re curious to know about someone. You’ll be able to enjoy the conversation much more when you can get answers to questions you’re genuinely curious about.
And the answers could spark even deeper questions, leading to deeper conversation, making that person or people you’re with like you even more.
5. Don’t try to always say the funniest or most interesting thing.
In the past, I used to think I had to say the funniest or most interesting thing in a conversation with someone. So I would try to be really funny, or say something really different.
The moment would usually end up being very awkward.
Everybody wants to be able to have a conversation where someone laughs or someone finds what they said intriguing. More often than not, I could make people laugh just by saying what was on my mind.
I’m not even trying to be funny.
So you can just say what’s on your mind and see what happens. Also don’t be afraid to be self-deprecating. You poking fun at yourself usually can make other people laugh and get people to like you
Comedian Kevin Hart said his comic career started off badly cause he kept trying to act like other comedians to be funny. But he said once he started making fun of himself, his life, and his experiences, that’s when his career took off.
As far as saying something that people find interesting, just being genuine in your thoughts usually does the trick. What do you really think or feel about something? That’s the stuff people are usually intrigued by.
6. Learn And Experience The World
The more you know and the more you experience in life, the better you’re able to relate with people. In the past I’d been told by someone I can have a conversation about anything.
It’s because I’ve allowed myself to explore different things in life. I read and watched things out of curiosity, even if they were topics I was always the most interested in. I’ve traveled places and I’ve tried new things.
All of this adds up to me being able to talk about a lot of different subjects that other people may be interested in. I may not have as much knowledge or experience in those topics as they do, but I’m able to keep up with the conversation.
The other person ends up enjoying that I’m able to keep up, and they end up having a positive view of you.
In addition to making better conversation, having knowledge and experiences also makes you more interesting as a person. Because people enjoy knowing somebody who’s done things they’ve never done.
7. Be Less Of A Burden
Simplicity can be your best friend. Nobody enjoys people who are too extra or too much trouble to be around.
I know it may seem like the guy who’s the loudest and craziest in the room looks cool, but it does get old eventually. People can actually enjoy someone who’s just chill and doesn’t feel the need to say something all the time.
I’ve found many people enjoy being around me just because I have a different positive chill energy they don’t often encounter. Most people talk too much and can’t seem to ever stop acting crazy all the time.
Believe me, you’ll be a much welcomed relief to someone.
Having said all that, if you have a loud and colorful personality, that’s fine, just maybe turn it down a notch every now and then.
8. Send Funny or Interesting Stories and Videos From Time to Time
With a few friends in the past, I would send them stuff that they might find interesting or funny. Since I’m into music, it was mostly songs and artists. When people like the stuff you send, it creates a positive association in their mind with you.
They associate you with humor, or uniqueness, or just overall good taste in things in life. Now of course sometimes people aren’t going to like some of the stuff you send, but it still gives you success.
You’re showing that you think about that person. People like to know people are thinking about them, whether it’s reaching out for a call, or just sending something to add a little light in their day.
You’ll not only be likable, but make people feel like you’re the coolest person in their lives.
9. Give People Information They Might Find Useful
For a time period when I was unemployed, I had a few friends that would send me job listings that they saw. I was really appreciative of it and found myself liking those people more.
I would do the same by sending ads for jobs or other potential opportunities they’d might find useful. Maybe you know an issue or question that someone’s been trying to figure out an answer to recently.
Perhaps they’re trying to get rid of an item and you know somebody who’d be interested in it.
When you solve people’s problems or give people new ideas they might not have thought of that could help them out, you’ll be very appreciated for doing that. This will quickly make someone into a friend.
10. Be Courteous
Courteousy seems to be a very underrated trait in society these days. But people still appreciate someone who shows it.
Hold the door open for people who are walking behind you, try not to interrupt people when they’re speaking, say thank you if someone did a kind act for you.
It may all seem like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t think to do these small actions.
11. Stay Respectful When You Disagree
In these divisive times, it seems harder than ever for people to respectfully disagree. Sometimes people are going to disagree with something you say, but they’ll still like you if you actually show you can respect their difference of opinion.
I’ve been in conversations with people who I’ve had very strong disagreements with. But instead of pushing back and telling them they’re wrong, I would engage them in what they believe through just asking more questions to better understand them.
You can always find one bigger picture thought in their point of view that you can agree with.
Example: You express you believe in free college tuition. The other person says they believe in people earning their way to college.
You can say, “Well, it’s definitely important people to get an education, and hopefully we find the best ways possible to help more people get that opportunity”
No insults, no belittling comments, just peaceful discussion, which will be very refreshing and likable to the person you’re in conversation with. Not only that, it will get people to respect you.
12. Rarely Ask For Favors
There’s a line of thinking out there that asking for favors can help make people like you more. That may be true to an extent, but I think people also really like someone who doesn’t ask for favors.
Think about it. If someone knows you don’t need them for anything, they know that you really want to be a friend of theirs just for the sake of being their friend.
In fact, beyond liking you more, they’ll probably offer to do stuff for you without even asking.
I think the better understanding on using favors and advice to make people like you more, is you doing favors and giving advice to them. If someone is going through something in life, ask them if there’s anything you can do for them, or offer them some ideas to help them.
In that situation, even if the person says “Thanks, but I’ll be fine”, they’ll appreciate and like you more by knowing if they ever need someone, you’ll be there to help them.
13. Offer People Food
While this may comes across unconventional, people like food, and if you happen to have some good food with you, or you know how to cook or bake, next time bring something tasty for the office to enjoy.
It could be something as simple as cookies. This goes back to creating a positive association in someone’s mind with you. If they eat the food and really like it, that’s huge bonus points for you on a person’s likability scale.
14. Don’t Be A Fake
There have been people I’ve encountered in life who just come off completely fake to me. I could sense the BS in the words immediately and wanted nothing to do with them.
The best way I can describe it is the person would sound overly friendly, overly nice or they would just be trying to sound funny, in a too good to be true kind of way.
They would just sound like every word they were saying was an attempt to look and sound like an amazing person.
You don’t have to sound super nice or super friendly to be liked. Just simply be you and be sincere
15. Be Relaxed
If you’re tense, usually the people around you will feel tense too. For some of you, it can probably be really nerve wrecking being in social situations.
You’re really hoping to have a good time and that other people will like you. I know how that feels. I had my own anxiety issues from time to time. But the more you get yourself in these situations, the easier it’ll get.
But while you’re building the experience, try to be more aware of what your body is feeling, and adjust yourself in the moment.
Be mindful to make sure your shoulders are low, your arms and legs aren’t crossed, and just allow your body to be loose. As you’re being relaxed, you help other people who may be just as nervous, feel less tense
I wrote about a technique called autogenic training that helped me to relax more. You can check it out here. Over time it helped me reduce my daily stress and anxiety.
Anytime you can make someone go from a physically bad feeling to a physically good feeling, you’ve gotten yourself some huge bonus points with them.
16. Remember What People Tell You
I’ve had people be extremely surprised when I bring up stuff they mentioned once before in conversation. It shows that you listened and it shows that you care about them, increasing your likability.
Remember the little things like that one feeling or situation they don’t like, and remember the big things like what they’re most proud of or what their dreams are.
17. Be Dependable
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. People nowadays tend to not keep their commitments and even choose not to have the courtesy of letting someone know they have to cancel.
Whenever I’ve made a commitment to be somewhere and do something with someone, I’ve done my best to keep it. Even in times where I wasn’t feeling the best, I tried to always show up for the time I scheduled with someone
I can tell you it’s made the people I’ve met in life admire me and like me more. Just think, with so many people failing to be dependable these days, that can make you stand out to others in a really good way.
That increases your chances of people liking you, being your close friend, or maybe even being much more
18. Take Care Of Yourself
You’re probably wondering what does taking care of yourself have to do with people liking you. You’ll be surprised to know it can actually play a big role in people liking us.
For starters, if you exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep, you’re probably a pretty decent looking person. And as vain as it may sound, people do tend to like people who look good more than people who don’t.
But even deeper is something that matters much more than that. If you’re not taking care of yourself as well as you need to, you’re not able to be your best self.
I have a morning routine that keeps me motivated in taking care of myself. I wrote an article where I shared some simple habits to start your day off right.
Because when you take care of yourself properly, you feel good, and when you feel good, you become more likable. You smile more, engage more with people, you’re being positive, and doing all the little things that have been mentioned so far that make people like us more.
When you’re not taking care of yourself properly, you usually don’t feel good. You’re likely more negative, less engaged, insecure, and just giving off a vibe that makes people not interested in being around you.
Really start taking care of yourself, and you might notice a huge difference in how you interact with others, and how others interact with you.
Some people won’t like you no matter what you do, that’s fine.
The point is all of this will make you seem more likeable than not, giving you more of a chance to make friends or just have a good time in life. As I like to say, “If no one else enjoys you, at least you enjoyed yourself.”
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